Planting the seed...

If you have ever had  your heart broken, whether it been in the sixth grade, when Sally Jones stood you up to the school dance, or when you woke up one day and realized that your marriage was over, you know, to some extent, the struggle of moving on. When you are in love, it seems so easy to recognize the good; every love song that hits the radio, every bunch of flowers, every romantic movie you watch-it all reminds you of the warm feeling in your heart for your significant other. Well, as many readers know, the recognition of such things is also true during heartbreak. It seems that suddenly you are driving along, maybe you pull into your (and quite possibly your ex's) favorite drive-in and a "break-up" song comes on the radio... Very seldom is irony adequately proportioned to humor.

For me, I am at the extreme of the spectrum when it comes to irony during my struggle through heartbreak. I work in the jewelry industry: I sell engagement rings for a living. Wait, thats not all... Not only do I watch countless couples walk in, so deeply in love, picking out their diamond rings and wedding bands, I do this while listening to a great blend of background music ranging from Lionel Richie, singing "Still", to Michael Buble, singing "Everything". So the extent of my own personal struggle is in a heightened state of aggravation for 8 hours a day, six days a week.

For the most part, I am over the bitterness and over the hope for second chances. During the day, I still think about her and pray for her but I do my best to keep my mind busy when I am not praying. Nights are the hardest part right now. Dreaming leads to her, and that leads to waking up in the middle of the night hoping the past week and a half was all one big nightmare. But for the most part, I am coming to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and I can't change that. My new relationship is with God. I have no interest, at this point in my life, in finding someone to replace her, or make the feelings come back; I feel like God is saying "Just be alone with me right now." 

I will admit, even though I feel like something is missing from my life, I know God is filling the emptiness with His love and the love of my family. I find myself spending more time with my family. Just last night, we watched the animated version of the story of Joseph, from the book of Genesis. Tonight I am going to study the actual account from the Bible, but for now, let's base my experience on the movie since God introduced it to me through that means.

Joseph was blessed by God. His birth was a miracle and with life, God gave Joseph blessings and a gift. Joseph experienced the ultimate heartbreak, being sold into slavery by his own brothers, and then imprisoned for a wrongdoing he didn't commit. In the movie, Joseph nurtures a small twig while he is imprisoned and as he deals with the day to day struggle of his own life, which was filled with much more disappointment than my own, he watched the twig blossom into a beautiful tree. While watching this movie, I saw God saying a number of things to me. First, he was saying "Be grateful for all that I have blessed you with." but he was also saying "No matter how dark the night may be, the sun always rises."

So, today's goal for me involved planting two trees. One tree I bought as an early Mother's Day gift for my mother. The other, was for me. As I watch the Bradford Pear grow and bloom, and every time I see it, I will remember this experience. I will remember that in the dark, God's love shined and gave life to the seed inside me. 

As the tree blooms, so will I.