God's work...one day at a time

If you have ever made a transition from lover to friend, you know exactly how hard it can be. I'll give each reader the benefit of the doubt that he or she may have never experienced this tragedy and therefore I will quickly explain the contents of such a predicament.

Normally when two people go from lover to friend, it is almost always in a case where one party is detached, for whatever reason, from the relationship and the other party is holding on to the relationship.

I am the other party. While I am still interested in, not so much returning to the relationship as it was, but rather reforming a friendship, rebuilding trust and other core elements to the relationship, and moving together towards a more spiritual lifestyle, she is practically has "one toe in the water". I think a number of things play as factors in her lack of interest in working on things just yet. I am continuing a friendly relationship with her because I feel that right now, I owe it to her to show her God's love and help her back to a stronger spirituality because I steered her away from God for so long. The toughest part about doing this is fighting my own feelings for her. Even in this time of trouble between us after the end of our relationship, she still tells me she loves me. Until that moment last night when she said "I love you." with a sound of deep affection and caring in her voice I was able to stay strong and keep my heart shielded from pain. I don't think that I can do what I feel God wants me to do without hurting. To help her, to show her God's love, I have to love her-maybe without showing that I am in love wither her-but she needs God's love and she needs to see a life of change in me and recognize all that God wants for each of us. Our romantic relationship may be over for now but it is my love for God and my love for her, through God, that I pray I can be a better person and bring about something for her to want the happiness I have found in God, and possibly reconnect to what we had, while moving forward in the light and trust of God and His will for us.

Most recently I have found God speaking to me; asking me to do various tasks. These are tasks that I recognize more so as "good deeds". First and foremost, I have never believed that good deeds can get you into Heaven. Nor do I believe that good deeds can be truly for the glory of God if they are publicized. I do believe that 

good deeds can help get someone else into Heaven.

Not that the deed itself furthers their relationship with God, but rather that the love of God can be shown and shared through that deed. Because I don't believe that publicizing the deed is right, I will simply state the I am embracing what God calls me to do to the best of my ability and I hope that my actions help others see the light. My trust is in God; daily I ask for strength and wisdom through His will and he answers. It has been one week and three days since I felt the darkness of depression and every day becomes a little easier through His power. I trust that God will make good come from this but tonight I prayed for something more. Not strength or wisdom-I prayed to feel a fire in my heart. I trust God, I pray to Him, and I know He is there, but I want the whole package. I don't want to develop a "genie" relationship with Him where I ask and either receive or don't. I want the passion that I see in so many Christians and I want him to move in my heart and soul. I pray that I can open my heart.

Tonight, I don't want to end with discussion or more information, I want to ask whoever may be reading to take a few minutes before they close out the page and pray for me. Pray that God molds me and uses me for His glory, pray that God strengthens my spirit so I can lead her, and others, towards Him, pray that I find a way to open my heart and soul so that I may be filled entirely with the grace of God, and finally, pray that God uses this blog to reach others and show his power. Before I close this page, I will pray for all of you out there, whether you are reading or not, may God use someone in your life to touch you and show you his power 

one day at a time...